


some kind of mourning

by gaytimetraveller



Category: Persona 2
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 17:31:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11902668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaytimetraveller/pseuds/gaytimetraveller
Summary: When Jun saw grainy photos in tabloids, big attention-grabbing headers and front pages about his mother's death, her oh-so-tragic and mysterious demise, oh the intrigue of it all, it made his hands shake.





	some kind of mourning

When Jun saw grainy photos in tabloids, big attention-grabbing headers and front pages about his mother's death, her oh-so-tragic and mysterious demise, oh the intrigue of it all, it made his hands shake and suddenly everything was too much and he knew people were staring of course they were staring he looked just like her and their voices were atrocious from the whispers of rumours that became the harsh noise that made him feel like his eardrums were about to burst. He felt ready to boil over, ready to overflow and scream all the noise back, until he was louder than them, until his voice had gone hoarse and his lungs would take no more air.

And when he got home, away from everything and everyone he didn't bother to turn on the lights, only kicked the door closed behind. he hollowly sat down on the couch, uncomfortable but serviceable (not for much longer, his mother had actually put him in her will, it wasn't expected and it put a twist in him, guilt and a sick gratitude). Then he cried.

Jun cried, could not stop crying, and he knew he was wailing he knew he was shaking he knew that this was not the quiet affair he wished it could be, like how pretty girls cried in movies (how his mother cried in movies, she never shed a genuine tear once in from of him, only cruel disappointment and crocodile tears) but he was alone, completely alone, always alone, nobody to witness how pathetic this was. He couldn't stop crying. He wondered if he could cry himself to death, if maybe he would simply stop breathing it'd already become harder to breathe. Then he could only think that he did not deserve to cry for this reason for the only reason one should cry when their mother dies is out of grief, not out of the sickness that crept through him at so much of the mention of her name, the cold that ran through him the claws of fingernails digging into his shoulder and her voice still echoing her terrible, unforgivable final words until he felt he would go deaf. Jun could never forgive himself for this he could not forgive himself for the guilt and the thought that this was all his own damn fault and he was simply playing the victim he was over exaggerating, he did not think he deserved the bittersweet vindication or the relief in knowing she would no longer haunt him in the physical, no longer follow him no matter how hard he tried to avoid her. He could only think that he was a liar and a bad child, the worst child, why would anyone ever want to have someone so despicable? (But was he truly so despicable? He wished these thoughts would stop.)

Junko haunted his dreams that night. He remembered when he had granted her wish, and how ungrateful she had been to have a family, to have him, to waste her youth. It made him feel sick and nauseous and queasy but he did not know if it was because of her or the guilt of detesting her on such a level. Jun threw up when he woke up.

After, he tried his damnedest not to cry, but he did, of course he did, he'd always cried so much why would it stop now, even after all the times he'd been mercilessly bullied and teased and told what an obnoxious child he was for it.

Jun was too busy trying to wail himself back to sleep to hear the phone ring. He could only sob and think of what an awful, miserable child-near-adult he had grown up be.

**Author's Note:**

> it's 2:45 am and j wrote this on mobile 10/10 productive night


End file.
